Discipline in my life?

I have no idea why this is such a struggle for me. I want to be disciplined in my life. I want to have a regular time set aside for "devotions or quiet time with God." I want to have a routine for exercise. I want to keep up with my housework and my kids' schoolwork in a more structured and disciplined manner. You would think after being married for nearly 13 years, I would have SOME kind of structure in my life. But, honestly, most days are far from disciplined or structure. I have five kids at home with varying levels of attention difficulties and other issues. I have a large household and family to manage and run on a strict budget. I NEED to put more effort into planning and living a more "purpose-full" life. :)

This is definitely something that falls to the wayside as we walk through times of grief or stress. We call it our "survival mode" or our "crisis mode." Around here, we do well to keep up with the day to day things like dishes, laundry, and meals. Schooling is not the first priority when we're functioning in this mode, and I am always worried that my kids are getting the "short end of the stick" because of my lack of planning and teaching. Housework (other than the very basic necessities) gets delayed. Exercise and pampering ourselves does NOT happen while in this mode. Daily time with the Lord (time set aside to truly be alone with God) does not happen on a regular basis as it should either. Sure, our hearts are focused on living for God and we make decisions and base our actions upon what we believe God would want in our lives...but taking time daily to purposefully come to a quiet place with God and focus our attention on Him, it's just not happening!

I have often wondered why I feel this struggle. I know it's a common one. I believe that I was taught the importance of these things as a child but I didn't necessarily SEE them lived out on a daily basis. Above all, I think it is just a struggle of the flesh. When we are tired, distracted, discouraged and so on, we tend to put off the things that we know we need to do and just try to "check out" of life by finding the things that will appease for the moment. I tend to run to my computer, the TV, food, a friend or even my crafts...all to find "comfort" when really, I should find my comfort and peace in time with the Lord and living my life in the way that He would have me to live, with my priorities in order.

As I walk through this "comeback" of sorts, one of the hardest things for me has been just a lack of ability to focus. Not only focus on what is going on in the moment, but to focus on goals, to focus on priorities, and to ultimately focus on the Lord with all my heart, all my soul, and all my mind. So, naturally, I'm going to have a hard time being "disciplined" in my life when I feel that I can't focus on anything.

The question now is: what will I do in order to change this? What can I do to help myself focus? Funny, how this is all so interconnected. If I DO the things I need to do to be disciplined in my life (i.e. time with God, time management, planning for my household, etc.), I am more focused. I believe that it starts with my time with God. He longs to spend time with me. He desires more and more of my time and focus. It's selfish and sinful of me to NOT give Him time. Oh, sure, a quick prayer here or a quick praise song there...that's all great. It's just not enough. That's really what this struggle is about. It's not about having all the discipline in the world and running a perfectly "tight ship" at home or in the family. It's about starting with the right priority in the first place! :)

Please pray with me that this will become a true time of rejuvenation, refreshment and healing in my life. We're slowly coming out of a fog, and while there are continuous issues in our family, we're feeling more "calm." We can begin to switch out of "crisis/survival mode" now. Pray that our family would be able to find the "new normal" and not feel that we have to keep up with this mode. We're praising God that He is faithful. Time and time again, we have seen His hand in our lives. This is yet another step along the way.

Thanks for reading and God bless you!